2023 has been an exceptionally tough year. So much loss, lots of change ... it's been tough to process and work through. There have been some really great moments as well, but overall, it has been exhausting. It is during times like these that self-care goes straight out the window- who has the energy?
I went over and around some of the options available to me to help me get back on track and do some healing, but nothing was really appealing. I had no interest in doing something just to do it when my heart wasn't in it. So I did nothing ... which wasn't really the smart way to go about healing.
A few weeks ago, I spotted a Facebook post that immediately grabbed my attention. A young lady posted about the spiritually restorative personal retreat day she took at Rolling Ridge Retreat and Conference Center. What??? A personal retreat day??? I am familiar with Rolling Ridge, and they are not quite 8 miles away, but I had never looked closely enough at their offerings and missed this one.
Right away I reached out to book a personal retreat day and right away it was set up for me. I would have a quiet/sitting room to myself from 9 - 5 and had the ability to walk the grounds (38 acres) and throughout the building (except guest rooms and in-use meeting rooms). I could sign up for lunch or just do my own thing. Having heard about how talented the Rolling Ridge kitchen team is, I signed up for lunch. Then I began to count down to my big day.
Finally....my retreat day arrived. I did not set many goals for the day- I wanted to aim for as close to 2 miles of walking the grounds as I could get, significantly limit time on my phone, re-read a book about Advent and map out a sermon for December. Not a heavy day but still with some goals.
What I had not planned on was how immediately peaceful I would be. The building and the grounds are sacred and beautiful and private. I was assigned to a sitting room with lots of glass and lots of space to spread out and be comfortable. And the day was mine.
There was only one other group in the building- 9 ladies working on a sewing project of some kind. They were quiet and respected my space, although one of the ladies came in and asked if she could sit with me and read. I had no problem with that at all and we sat in quiet companionship and read our books.
Because I had set so few goals, they were easy to attain. I'd read, work on my sermon, walk on the grounds, read, work on my sermon, walk the grounds, then it was time for lunch. I ate in the dining room with the sewing ladies, but I had a private table. Honestly, I would have been fine eating with them, but this little touch of a private table was so thoughtful and helped me to maintain more peace. And true to all the hype, the kitchen team did a lovely job creating a delicious lunch.
After lunch I read, worked on my sermon, and walked the grounds for the last time. I left just after 4:15 when I felt ready to get going.
It looks like I had a day of not doing much but reading, walking, and eating. But this wasn't just a day off, it was a retreat. The idea of a contemplative retreat is to step away from the noise and busyness of life and take the time in solitude to pray and/or meditate and/or relax the mind, open the soul, and observe sabbath time. That's what I did. I am aware it was a luxury to walk away from my life for a whole day and I am grateful. I am perfectly fine being alone. I also feel closest to God when I am outside, especially in the woods.
What I had hoped for, and prayed on, was clarity. The weight of this year and what still lies ahead has left me physically and emotionally exhausted. Grief is like a minefield and constantly dodging the mines takes a toll. Spending time at Rolling Ridge gave me much of what I needed, because they have created a safe and special place where there is nothing to do but care for the self.
I felt so much more focused when it was time for me to head home. I re-read a book to set my mind on the right path for Advent. I drafted a sermon for Christmas Eve morning worship. I wrote a list of several things I've been pushing around and not doing, thereby making a commitment to them (because they are in writing). I spent time in prayer and in prayerful meditation surrounded by nothing but the sounds of dry leaves blowing and birds calling to each other. I logged 2 miles walking on the grounds and through the labyrinths. My mind and body and soul all received nourishment I could not provide otherwise.
If you have never taken any retreat time, I would strongly recommend it. It isn't easy to plan to be alone for that long without any structure. Maybe a guided retreat would help if you aren't good keeping yourself focused for long when you are alone.
More than anything, I have realized that none of us are so essential that it's ok to never care for ourselves. Sure, it's easy for me to say and sure I don't have the responsibilities that others have, but I have enough. And they weighed me down to a point where I was not sure how to get out from beneath them. This retreat was the way to begin to do that. I have clarity, am checking things slowly from my list, and I am worth the time and the effort. I am worth the time and effort.
I am so very thankful to everyone at Rolling Ridge for creating this amazing space. I most enjoyed the Point of Pines Outdoor Chapel (where I just learned my friend Bonnie was married!). It was my favorite spot.
If you don't think you can take time for you - I say to you - you'd better, because you are the only person who can.
xo
